Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
