I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
