That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize