i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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