i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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