I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
