If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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