i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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