Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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