Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
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a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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