My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
