??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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