After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
