hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
