just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
