Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
