Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
