paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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