Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
