Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
