I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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