I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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