Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
