In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Quick, to the slutcave!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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