Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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