I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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