We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
