I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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