Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I party with great urgency now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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