I think im going to throw up on grandma
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
