This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
