Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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