We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Even my vagina gasped.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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