I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
