I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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