i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
