new low.... made out with someone while peeing
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
