I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
