So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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