I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
