No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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