I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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