All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
