i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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