Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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