Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
