just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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