I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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