btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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