You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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