Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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