Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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