dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
