So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
