tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize