Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
