i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
