I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
