Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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