WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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