God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
