New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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