fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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